About me
I carried a dark secret inside for years, haunted by this secret I felt I had to keep. Over the years, this secret has become cancerous (malignant) to the point that it cost me more than I was willing to pay, my first marriage, friendships, relationships, jobs…etc. In other words, I was sick as the secret that I was keeping…I was illiterate, barely able to read or write]. I do not have to tell you the humiliation that I suffered because of my pride. I was a victim of my own hubris at times and suffered immensely. I wanted to graduate from high school, but reading at a fifth-grade level did not help my cause. Many would-be disheartened to learn I was unable to accomplish something so simple, so necessary.
That was the beginning of my woes. I started experimenting with alcohol. Once hooked—the remnant of what I use to be—the remains of a faith-based life that was fostered in the church quickly disappeared. I became a depraved alcoholic. I suffered severely; it reached a point where I could not do without a drink. On average, I would drink myself into a drunken stupor. The not-so-average was the good times I could not remember…as I continued to drink, so did the problem worsen]. As a functional alcoholic, I would put on a brave face and weather the storm. But under the surface, I was spiritually, mentally, and emotionally bankrupt; after countless relapses, my wife thought it was best to continue life without me.
I lived a life riddled with grief, (moreover I have lived) not always erected upright walking with the Lord—as I was brought up in the church to do—but, as a depraved alcoholic living in the shadow of despair. The wretchedness of this disease has no end (my shame will always be before me—upon me—and forever in me). The extreme affliction of this disease has taken away the ability for me to forgive myself. This is the end of which I speak. As an alcoholic, I am learning how to forgive myself through the grace of God, learning how to love myself and others through His grace. I am learning that my path is straight in Christ Jesus. And, by His grace, God will restore me beyond anything that I could ever hope for.
Philosophy Behind Speak Easy
The birth of this philosophy was written on a napkin in a smoke-filled barroom, [another drunken night, another drunken stupor] woke up dazed and confused on the floor of a motel room. The only remnants of the night before was a throbbing headache and a alcohol stained napkin folded in my pocket that read. All philosophy stems from a science and if science is the blueprint of man’s existence [for where has thou wiggle room for philosophy]!? Speaking easy to myself I soon discovered that my philosophy reached no higher then a barstool [the philosophy of a drunkard]. This philosophy is a hard science and soft science not on a scientific level [based on methods and principles of science] but everyday language [based on a body of facts that have been repeatedly confirmed over thirty plus years of battling alcoholism.
