For the best daytime drama in a real-life sitcom the Academy Award goes to The Functioning Addict in [Crime of the century]. This box-office smash pays tribute to one of the greatest actors of our generation. This theatrically trained artist has regaled us with such classical performances such as…I can quit anytime, I only use to boost my creativity, I can’t be social without it, and there’s a monkey on my back…etc. This acclaim winning actor is a testament to the greatness that has embodied the true essence of an addict without anyone ever suspecting that he/she is a terrible actor.

Functioning addicts are addicted to the stage [lights, camera, action]! And without pause they would render the crowd speechless with a performance worthy of a packed house…if by chance you witness such a stroke of genius…you would remember that performance the rest of your life. By no stretch of the imagination this is the function of which I speak. Functioning addicts are the worst actors ever to grace life…least the stage]. Not, that I speak out of boldness but of shame. Because as a functioning addicts our drug of choice is manipulating.